meet Copper Pie

(C.P. for short, or George – but only his grandma calls him that)

Red. Ginger. Copper. Orange. Call it what you like, you can’t miss him. It’s not only the colour, it’s the shine. He’s like a Belisha beacon (if you don’t know what this is – look it up). Copper Pie gets fed up really quickly if there’s even a hint of teasing about his hair (or his matching freckles) – so don’t go there. Because he’s also pretty quick to use his fists. He’s much better now than he was in nursery, or reception. He didn’t used to bother talking, just bashed people in, but occasionally he remembers to try and deal with problems by negotiation, or by letting one of the other Tribers negotiate for him. Don’t get the idea he’s all bad. He’s loyal, like a dog, and funny and fantastic at every single sport ever (except swimming – he sinks). But back to bad things – he eats like a dustbin, particularly pies, sausage rolls, crisps – all of which have too much fat, according to Bee – Tribe nutritionist. And he’s only interested in guns and war.

facts about C.P.

best goal ever

A kick from 30 metres out that dipped over the head of the goalie of Chandos School to tuck in under the bar and win the game.


One little brother, Charlie, who is actually quite nice but who Copper Pie thinks is a savage (look who’s talking). His mum runs a nursery on the ground floor of their house – it’s clean and tidy and very organised. Upstairs where they do their living is a pit, fit only for lazy slobs. Copper Pie’s dad is a lazy slob, says Copper Pie’s mum, and he’s also an engineer and mad about football. He plays for a veterans team with Bee’s dad.

Copper Pie’s dream

Dream’s not the right word, because it’s gonna happen. He’s gonna be discovered, scouted, by a top team, maybe even ManU? Football and training, all day every day. No adding, writing, learning stupid dates for history, science: just football.

Copper Pie’s ideal holiday

A football pitch and 21 other players to play with (all good).
Unlimited supply of chips and coke.
Sun, but not too hot because he burns between his freckles.

likes and dislikes

Loves football – playing, watching, talking about.
Loves food.
Has absolutely no interest in school lessons, homework, clubs.
Doesn’t like detentions but gets plenty of them.
Doesn’t like Callum (none of the Tribers do).

Copper Pie’s favourite stuff

Book – every football annual for every year for ever.
Song – Glory Glory Man United.
Clothes – Ronaldo strip.
Food – plenty, all the things Bee hates, with loads of tomato sauce.
People – who stay away from him.
Colour – red and white.
Game – he can never remember any rules.
Animal – elephant (especially Trumpet).
Weapon – real life - catapult, fantasy - AR-15 carbine.